He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize