Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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