***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
