My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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