Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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