all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
