It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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