when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
