I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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