found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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