i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
