My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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