the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
