I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
