we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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