I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
