thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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