the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
tell me about the eggs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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