have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
