It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
