I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories