first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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