I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
