so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
