If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
