you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Randomize
