I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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