hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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