is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
