is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
