Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
