If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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