He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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