Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
