Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
