I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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