If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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