so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
