I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
do herpes really smell.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
