i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
