Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
