apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
