Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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