dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
