his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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