Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
