If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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