Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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