Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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