I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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