If i come over, it means nothing
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
