So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Still dying that you shit outside
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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