mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
