The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
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i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
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i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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