"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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