Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
