Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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