I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
