I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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