The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Congratulations! We have a period
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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