Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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