That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
