How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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