I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Is that strawberry winking at me??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
