I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
