Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
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I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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