i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
