I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
