i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
