so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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