My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
