I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
