i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
