At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
